By Shannon Carlin
Blake Shelton had the esteemed honor of not only performing on Saturday Night Live this week, but hosting, too. Showing he’s certainly got some impressive comic timing. How ’bout them apples, Adam Levine?
Shelton’s monologue had him explaining who he is to those who don’t know. Hello, The Voice? But, according to Shelton, he’s basically the “Justin Bieber of country music, just a little trouble making cutie.”
Then he decided to turn SNL into an episode of Hee Haw where he hoped to tell “nice country jokes.” Those jokes ended up being about how bad Miranda Lambert‘s cooking is and how dumb his grandpa is.
Shelton got to have fun with the Bachelor sketch Farm Hunk, where he gets stuck with a lot of women who are from Hollywood and have done porn. One even brought her own macaw, which she said was like her, “unpredictable in a bad way.”
Of course, there’s the girl who’s really messed up over her dad’s death and has a serious disease and was a weightlifting baby who was kidnapped. And, of course, that’s the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
Wearing a blonde goatee and a cowboy hat, Shelton sang about the “Wishin’ Boot,” the little black boot that makes your dreams come true. This boot will bring you food when you’re hungry and get you out of jail after you get arrested for prostitution. Watch out for that fake boot that tries to stab you though. We really hope this is Shelton’s next single.
On Family Feud Celebrity Edition, Shelton gets to play himself—a metrosexual lumberjack—alongside his Voice friends Adam Levine, Pharrell in Smokey the Bear’s hat and Christina Aguilera, who are taking on the American Idol team of Keith Urban, Nicki Minaj, Harry Connick, Jr. and Steven Tyler, who host Steve Harvey, played by Kenan Thompson, mistakes for Stevie Nicks. Happens all the time, we’re sure.
The first thing they asked the audience was, “What do you never ask a woman?” to which Shelton said, “What did I do wrong Miranda?” Turned out it did make the board. But, the real takeaway of this sketch is that Levine and Shelton are madly in love. Like we didn’t already know.
Shelton did take a break from all the funny to perform his song “Neon Light” off his 2014 album, Bringing Back the Sunshine.
Shelton picked up his guitar again in a sketch where he helped an elderly man write a song called “My Darling Joan” for his dead wife. Turns out she wasn’t so great. The acoustic song, which he performed on the morning show Topeka Today, actually includes lines like your “hatred of animals rattles my core” and “I wish I killed you, but you choked on some corn.” Though the best may be the question of, “Do they let you use your humidifier in hell?”
Shelton then got to talk about girls and trucks when he performed “Boys ‘Round Here” from his 2013 album, Based on a True Story…. He unfortunately did not really chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit at anytime during the song.
To end his SNL appearance, Shelton got to play a magic show goer who’s really hoping that the magician will make him rich or let him know what to say to women to make them take their tops off. Or be a black guy, just for one day. Or give him guns for hands.