By Shannon Carlin
(Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)

(Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)

If you went into Ezra Koenig’s review of Drake’s Nothing Was The Same, thinking you were going to read the Vampire Weekend frontman’s take on Drizzy’s latest album, you were sadly mistaken.

In fact, in Koenig’s review–posted on The Talkhouse, a website that features musicians talking about other musicians–he admits that he hasn’t even listened to the Drake record all the way through, but stands behind his 10 out of 10 rating. “Obviously, it’s good,” he writes. “You think a Canadian child actor would be this successful as a rapper if he wasn’t good? The dude was sitting on 25 mil at age 25!”

One song Koenig did listen to though was “Worst Behaviour” and was particularly taken by a specific line: the “motherf*****s never loved us” one.

“It really struck a chord,” Koenig explains. “There are SO many motherf*****s out there. I’ve been making music since I was seven years old (started with piano) so I’ve been betrayed more times than I can count. You know how many people talk s*** behind your back and then try to be your best friend over the course of 22 years in the industry?? Drake only got into music like five years ago, so if you see how angry he is — IMAGINE HOW I FEEL.”

Koenig then writes an interesting form of fan fiction or in this case “band fiction” that details an unbelievable story about a Danish band Vampire Weekend played with in Portland a few years back. The band’s lead singer, Hans was tight with Koenig but ultimately ends up leaving him in the cold a few years later. Turns out this motherf***** never loved him.

But this story, which features cameos from Iggy Azaelia, Panda Bear from Animal Collective and Daniel Bearman from Grizzly Bear (not a real member of the band, by the way), gets a happy ending in which Koenig calls out all those Vampire Weekend haters out there with a little help from Drake.

None of this probably makes any sense, so we advise you just go here and read the “review” yourself.

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